"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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