I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
