butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
