I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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