So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize