conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
