Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
