tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
