pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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