i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
