Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
