i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize