i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
