Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
That was before I lit my hair on fire
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
