I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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