I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
