i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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