I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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