i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
