no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
