Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Dicks are not precious.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
