my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
