I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
