Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
