so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
