What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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