I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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