He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
