Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
