the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
