Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Randomize
