last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
