arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
