I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Actions speak louder than pants.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
