last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
