walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
