we have officially lost it.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
