is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
