I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
