Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
