Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
