great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
