I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
