I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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