Got a toothbrush?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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