Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Someone came in the potted fern
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
