I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Randomize