I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
