Just fell off a train. Bad.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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