pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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