I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
