She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
