If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize