I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize