My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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