this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
