So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
