It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
