Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
