Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
