how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
