I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
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