I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
