what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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