If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize