look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
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